Las Vegas: Ka Sera Sera

After yet another hectic day, it's nice to be typing this while sitting in a comfy chair at a desk in the hotel room instead of in the bathroom. Ryan is asleep in the soaker tub. At least I think he's asleep. I never thought I'd need to bring a life jacket to Vegas, but I will next time. Or maybe one of those pink flamingo floaty things. That would probably garner a bit of attention going through airport security.

I was able to get about 5 hours sleep, which wasn't nearly enough. I felt like I got run over by a cement truck, and looked like I got run over by the ugly truck. Yep, I'm tired. I think I've probably gained about 10 lbs. And that's just from the bags under my eyes.

I thought we'd check out the Spice Market Buffet in our hotel. (Notice the one word you will NEVER hear me say in my blog? (Well, besides vagina.) Breakfast. It's just not going to happen. Unless I have it BEFORE going to bed. I thought it was a pretty good buffet. I'm getting good at not eating too much. Gotta save room for the desserts. And the desserts here were pretty impressive. I had a made to order banana crepe with chocolate sauce and whipped cream on the top. Now we're talking!

After lunch we headed next door to Paris to go up the Eiffel Tower. We had a 2-for-1 coupon (I'm not really a coupon guy, but it was pretty expensive so what the hell) and after about a half hour wait up we went. It was a beautiful view and I got some great pics. Ryan brought the camcorder and has videotaped a lot throughout the day. Unfortunately most of the video will be filled with my moronic comments and me breaking into song (Viva Las Vegas, Hey Baby Let's Go To Vegas etc...) or me acting as tour guide. I don't think he was to impressed.

When we came down we jumped into a cab (I'll never try that again, I hit my head) and headed to The Mirage to see the Lions, Tigers and Dolphins (Oh my!). That was pretty cool and we got some great pics and video. It was a nice change of pace. That's the thing about Vegas. You can go all out and drink and gamble like most people do. Or you can relax. For $12.99 you can get a pot of Earl Grey Tea on the 23rd floor of the Mandarin Oriental and then go to the spa and get a massage and a hand job for $89. (A blow job is an extra $50.) You can go cheap, or you can spend a fortune. Or somewhere in between. I've gotten a little carried away. I may need to host a telethon when I get back. RING THOSE PHONES!!

After the Dolphins we took the free tram (Free is a rare and pretty cool word in Vegas) to TI, or as you unhip people would call it Treasure Island and then walked across the tram to the Wynn Encore. Ryan wanted to pick up a program from Le Reve. I have to say the Wynn hotels are the most visually spectacular. It makes me think of John Hammond from Jurassic Park, 'We spared no expense.' Unfortunately there are no dinosaurs, unless you count 99.9% of the guests staying there.

We took a brief stroll through the Fashion Show Mall which is roughly the size of Metrotown, the biggest mall in BC. Then we headed back to TI to see the pirate show, which was a bit better than I expected. Hey, it was free, and remember what I said about free in Vegas.

We then headed back to our hotel to relax for a few minutes. I changed into some dressier clothes and we headed to Mandalay Bay. It was one of the places I wanted to stay but it was just too expensive. It's a very nice hotel. I was very impressed.

Next was the Luxor which was actually very cool. If my Mother was there she would be able to tell me if it was accurate. She went to high school with King Tut. We didn't spend too much time here, but it was a pretty neat place.

Finally we found some moving sidewalks (what a concept) as we headed to The Excalibur. I did not like this hotel at all. It reeked of cigarette smoke and was just dumpy. I felt dirty. Like I do after dropping @bcdarr off in Whalley. Okay, not quite THAT dirty. But still pretty dirty.

Next we walked next door to New York New York and headed to Il Fornaio for dinner. We shared some delicious flatbread with tomatoes, basil, oregano, kalamata olives an mozarella cheese and we each had a glass of wine (no BC wine here so for the first time in over 3 years I drank imported wine) and then the main meal was Pollo something or other. It came with Yukon Gold potatoes (funny how all the upper end restaurants here are advertising yukon gold potatoes) and spinach. It was actually a little disappointing to me. Ryan makes much better chicken dishes. The bill came to $80 which is too much to pay for average food.

By now it was time to head across the street to MGM Grand to see Cirque du Soleil`s Ka. On the way I stopped at the sports book to watch a bit of the Canuck game. Every hotel has a sports book. It`s where there are a few giant screen tv`s and several dozen big screen tv`s and you can bet on just about anything from who will score the first basket in a game to the color of Ryan Kesler`s pubic hair. I`m guessing he doesn`t have any. The Canucks scored to tie the game at 2 and then it was time to head another 3 km`s to the theatre.

Our seats were 3rd row centre which I think is too close. I`d say about row 10 or 12 would be perfect. I`ve heard a lot about Ka so I went in with high expectations. Nothing could`ve prepared me for what I saw. It truly was incredible. Only a complete idiot would attempt to describe the show. So here goes. There is no stage. When you arrive it`s just a big giant hole. Then a stage rises from above and eventually goes completely vertical and warriors fight on it while it is completely vertical. If you go to Vegas, you simply must see this for yourself. My only complaint is that it only has a few funny parts. Most other Cirque du Soleil shows are much funnier. But with this show, my brain kept telling me that it wasn`t possible. It had to be a movie. And so I kept thinking I was watching it in 3d. Well worth my left kidney that I had to sell in order to afford the tickets.

After the show we went back to the Sports Book and found out that the Canucks won 3-2 (YAY!) and then headed back to New York New York and bought delicious frozen Daquiris and walked around. We watched the dueling pianos (along with a guitarist) doing Enter Sandman and Sweet Child Of Mine (only in Vegas) and had a great time. I actually REALLY like NYNY and it`s one of the cheaper hotels. It`s a lot of fun.

We walked back to our hotel (taking pics and video along the way) and in our casino they were passing out cards for The Gallery Nightclub. It`s usually a $30 cover, but we got complimentary passes, so we went and had a look. It`s a pretty upscale new club. A lot of celebrities go there. In fact Jesse Metcalf will be there on Saturday. (The gardener from Desperate Housewives.) You may have forgotten him, but I haven`t. Anyways we walked right in (I got ID`d, WOOHOO!!) and it was pretty dead. There was a girl climbing above us on some netting. And Ryan didn`t like the sound. I thought it sounded pretty good. We didn`t even have a drink. We went back to the room and he`s...okay he still has a pulse. That`s good.

Tomorrow is our last day in Vegas. We head out early Saturday morning. I`ve made a list of things I`d like to see. Circus Circus, Stratosphere, downtown (want to try the zipline) and the outlet centre. Then hopefully Olives at the Bellagio for dinner and Absinthe at Caesar`s Palace after that. It`s supposed to be a really funny R rated show in the round featuring acrobats on a very small stage. After that we should have an hour or so to check out the Forum Shops. I`m thinking my Mother might need a new Hermes handbag when she gets back from Mexico.

If we are able to do all that then we pretty much did everything I wanted to do on our first trip here. It hasn`t always been easy. I can now relate to the soldiers who fought in Viet Nam. (Yes, it probably is too soon). It`s just hard for me to sleep in this town when I know that somewhere, somehow there is a buffet open just waiting for me. But after a hot bath, (Ryan woke up and is now snoring in bed) I will try and sleep. And then maybe these bags under my eyes will no longer be overweight.