I guess I've been quite lucky over the years that my Mother doesn't have a computer. I must admit, I've said some not so nice things about her on Facebook and Twitter. All of them erroneous I might add. She's heard from a few other people about some of my comments. (Luckily I don't think she ever heard the jokes about prostitution and crackpipes.) She has a good sense of humor and I actually thought that she would find it all very funny. Well, she didn't. So I promised her that on her birthday, June 2nd, I would write up a blog retracting all of my awful comments. Hey, I need to stay in the Will somehow.
I've actually had friends of mine ask me if she really sweeps up at the Liquor Store after closing so that she can get a discount on Vodka, and if she really used Tequila to boil the Kraft Dinner when I was a kid. I'm here to set the record straight. Lies. All lies. My Mother is not, nor has she ever been, an alcoholic. She did throw up under the table of a restaurant once after drinking too much but we won't talk about that. (Now she's REALLY going to kill me!) But that doesn't mean she's ever had a drinking problem. She had every reason to drink having had to deal with my brother and I for the past forty some odd years.
It's true that she's been a single Mother for as long as I can remember. It's also true that we didn't have much growing up. It's not true however that my brother and I built bicycles out of empty wine bottles and beer cans. Nope. We used Kraft Dinner boxes. When I think back about what we put her through, it makes me feel guilty. But then I'll see a Dairy Queen Blizzard commercial and those feelings will be replaced with hunger pains and sugar cravings. My Mother worked in a bank in Maple Ridge BC for over 25 years. Started as a teller and worked her way up to Assistant Manager. She would often be overdrawn before the end of payday. I told her she was a crappy embezzler. I guess I can joke about that now. Back in the day it would've been like yelling "Everyone, down on the floor!!" She worked probably 50 hours a week. My brother and I played Hockey so she would often get off work and drive one of us to Squamish or Chilliwack or Richmond. We each had one 5 am weekday morning practice a week so twice a week my Mom would set her alarm for 4:30 am and then drop us off, go home to sleep for another 45 minutes or so and then come and pick us up. I don't really know how she ever did it. She doesn't even know. But she never complained. Well not to me anyways. She always put us first. She would even give me five dollars every day just for going to the Liquor Store to get her more Vodka. (I'm kidding, I'm kidding.)
Now we're grown up and her Grandkids have taken over in the driving her crazy department. She's retired and living in a nice place with a beautiful view of Okanagan Lake and she deserves everything that she now has and more.
She may struggle blowing out those 69 candles on her Kahlua cake on Saturday night, and she likely won't share her Kahlua cake and Amaretto Ice Cream with anyone, but she's not an alcoholic. Now I hope I will be back in her good books. Maybe I'll print this out so that she can read it. I only hope that she will be sober enough to comprehend it.
