Las Vegas: A Journey To End All Journeys

I don't know what it is about Las Vegas, but I have been drawn to that city like a moth to a flame, or an old lady to Bingo. What's even more perplexing is the fact that it's taken me 43 years to give in to these temptations and finally take a trip to Sin City. The more I read about it, and believe me I've done my homework (for once), the more excited I get.

I'm a night owl, so it's not fun living in a small Okanagan town that shuts down around 7pm, and I'm not exaggerating. The thought of a bustling city leaving all the lights on all night and actually having choices for food, drink and hookers? Well that's just too good to pass up.

I found out today that Bugsy Siegel has been killed, (thank you Twitter for keeping me up to date on World events) and I almost decided not to go. But then I thought it would be better if I honored him by placing a rose by the bullet-hole at the Flamingo.

We were very excited to get tickets for Celine Dion, and then very disappointed when the bitch (that's what we call her now that she cancelled) came down with a stupid virus. These things NEVER happen to Britney Spears. It's called lip-synching. Sheesh! Then just yesterday we found out our tickets to The Amazing Jonathan were also cancelled. (Don't ask, Ryan didn't want to spend a lot of money and they were cheap!) So then I said 'Screw it!' (Okay, there might have actually been an F-bomb in there but this is a family show). So I opened up the wallet and booked 2 Cirque Du Soleil (Which for those of you who aren't fluent en Francais like myself means 'Oil Of The Circus') shows: Ka (short for 'Okay') and Mystere (Mister, obviously). I always say go big or go home. But enough about my diet. I've heard that in Mystere the clowns bring a lot of guests onto the stage, and I got tickets for the centre, 2nd row on the aisle. This could be REALLY embarrassing, I hope I don't forget to zip up my fly. Now that would be a really big problem. HUGE!! (Was that too subtle?)

Apart from those 2 Cirque Du Soleil shows, we've also got tickets to Absinthe on our final night. I've heard that is supposed to be awesome. We also will try to get tickets for Le Reve on the night we get there. That is supposed to be good as well. Not cheap though. I may have to get a second job stealing cars when I get back home.

It's mind-boggling to me just reading how much money has been spent on these mega gy-normous hotels. Apparently the new City Center complex cost something like $9 Billion. To put that into perspective, that's like every square on a roll of toilet paper being like a $10,000 bill. And that's SINGLE PLY. Not double. Okay, I really suck at analogies. Sorry.

As I mentioned, I have been studying up. I know the most ridiculous trivia about Vegas. I know that Rok Vegas in New York New York is closing in April (keep this on the down-low) to make way for a live music venue, also that there is a race between 2companies to build giant ferris wheels on either end of the strip. They will both be 500 feet tall and one will cost $200 million (or 40 squares of toilet paper) and the other $500 million (more money than Donald Trump makes in a week!!) It also goes without saying that I have memorized every happy hour in all of Vegas. My Mother taught me well. I know where to get the $3 Margaritas (I'm not telling, you'll just get in the way), and which sports bar I can get the all-you-can-drink for $20 deal.
I will be blogging, tweeting, Facebook Status Updating, sexting (okay, probably not sexting, just making sure you are still paying attention), and posting pics of our trip daily. Not sure when I will find the time to blog, but I will at some point. I hope to post pics of Ryan on the plane too. He's never been on a plane and I told him that for a plane to turn, all the passenger have to lean, like when you are on a Skidoo. I also told him that if an engine catches on fire the wing is designed to fall off. Hey, I never claimed I was nice. Anyways, it should be an interesting flight. I'll make sure he wears his life vest!

Now it's time for me to rest up. There will be a lot of drinking and laughing, and gambling and losing money and crying ahead. And it probably won't be pretty. They say 'What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas'. Well not anymore, because if I should happen to see Celine Dion put her finger down her infected throat, or Lindsay Lohan sticking a needle in her skinny arm, I PROMISE you, that shit ain't gonna stay in Vegas!