Las Vegas: Chasing That Neon Rainbow

I woke up at 9 am. NO ONE wakes up at 9 am in Las Vegas. I only got about 4 hours sleep, but I've never been able to sleep well on vacation. I'm a terrible sleeper at the best of times, but on vacation, if I wake up and it's light outside, well there's places to go, things to do, Martinis to drink. I'm used to running on 3, 4, 5 hours sleep. Ryan, however, is not. He's been struggling to keep up with me. I TOLD him not to wear his stilettos.

We started the day off heading to the Bellagio for a lunch buffet. In one of the books I've been reading they said that the best deal for the Bellagio Buffet is at lunch. I told Ryan that it wasn't going to be a buffet like we are used to (soup, dried up deep fried prawns, cold chow mein and ice cream). Well I wasn't kidding. There were hundreds of people dining, but it didn't feel crowded because there were so many different stations. I eyed the butternut squash soup right away and grabbed some. (Can you grab soup?) Best butternut squash soup I've ever had. There was sushi, a rotisserie chicken carving station, pastas, salads, prawns on ice (some of them were so cold they stopped moving), an omelet station, and a whole section of seafood including cod, salmon, trout and Nemo. There was even a station devoted to mashed potatoes. I repeat A WHOLE SECTION for MASHED POTATOES. There was your regular mashed potatoes, sweet potato puree, chipotle mashed potatoes and a few others. And then (drum roll please) I noticed the dessert station. When I saw the soft serve machine that had chocolate AND vanilla, I was tempted to run upstairs and grab the ice bucket. Those little teeny bowls just weren't going to do. They had chocolate chips and dried banana to put on top as well as chocolate, caramel and vanilla sauces. (My Mother would've just drank the vanilla.) I also tried the Tiramisu, cheesecake, chocolate cookie and I don't even remember what else. $20 seems like quite a bit but for what you get I don't think it is. I could just talk about food forever, but I realize now that I already have so let's move on.

After Bellagio we walked through City Center (at $9 Billion it's the largest private US project in US history) and went shopping at Chrystals mall. Okay, we window shopped. A vase I liked was $22,000. I told the lady I would but it just wouldn't fit in my suitcase.

We took a quick walk through Monte Carlo (you really can't take a quick walk through anywhere), and headed to New York New York to go on the roller coaster. Of course Ryan wanted to sit in the front. $14 to ride the coaster is a little steep, and so is that first drop. I thought I was going to lose my teeth, and I don't even have dentures. I wanted to video tape but it's a good thing I didn't. I think there was 3 g's, 2 Jesus' and a HOLY MOTHERFUCKER! Ryan always did have a way with words. At least I didn't swear. Nope. Not me. I screamed like little Orphan Annie.

Next we walked over the MGM Grand, the 2nd largest hotel in the World. We went to the CSI exhibit. A place where they give you a crime and you need to find the clues to solve it. I figured out right away that it was Professor Plum in the kitchen with a lead pipe. That seemed to anger the hostess. I can't help it if I'm brilliant. Anyways it's $30 each and not really worth the money.

Next we headed back to our hotel for a rest. Our hotel is next to MGM Grand, but still 1/3 of a mile away. We had so many people try to hand us papers for a deal on an escort, finally I said that I would NEVER buy another Ford! It felt really cool to run into (okay you caught me, I'm 43,) WALK into a beer and wine store, and the moment I came out I opened a Kahlua Mudslide bottle and drank it as I walked back to the hotel. Hey, there are no rules here. Well, except you can't count cards.

After changing into some nicer clothes (still from Winners however), we took a cab to Treasure Island and had dinner at Isla. Most books I've been reading say that it's the best Mexican food on the strip if not all of Vegas. It really was amazing. I had some delicious tortilla soup and they gave us a ton of complimentary homemade tortilla chips and 3 different delicious dips. I ordered Pork Carnitas which was one of the best meals I've ever had. Beats my Mother's pork chops with ketchup any day of the week. Ryan said he wanted to stay here next time just so we could eat there every night.

After dinner we had just enough time for me to lose $20 on the slots before Mystere started. It's the very first Cirque Du Soleil show in Vegas and it's what started the whole craze and transformed Vegas into something even better. A lot better. There were some amazing stunts but what I appreciated most was the comedy. It's a very funny show.

After the show I rushed to Gilleys Saloon, a kind of country western place that reminded me of Roosters in Pitt Meadows. They had karaoke until Midnight and it was quite busy so I didn't think I would get up. Once I slipped the little lady a $100 (okay it was only %5, who do I look like Al Pacino? Don't answer that!) she told me I would get up for sure. I kind of wish she hadn't. It really ended up being my worst nightmare. A really bad version and the words disappearing. Do they have capital punishment in America? Because I just murdered a Billy Joel song. And he usually does quite well at that on his own, he doesn't need my help. People stopped and stared, the mechanical bull plugged its ears and even Celine at the end of the bar was shaking her head as she shouted 'Rene! Go and get the Limo!!' Afterwards I went over to a slot machine and won $50 so either God was feeling sorry for me or I just randomly happened to click a button and three of the same symbols happened to line up perfectly. Discuss amongst yourselves.

After that we cabbed it back to Planet Hollywood where I dropped Ryan off and went to the casino for a couple hours. I actually won another $20!! (Is it considered winning if you lose $40 before winning the $20?) And now I'm back in the hotel room typing this while sitting on the edge of the bathtub. I tend to be a noisy typer and Ryan badly needs some sleep. We want to see Sigfried and Roy tomorrow? What? Really? When did they quit? Dragged by a tiger? Okay, nevermind. We'll try to get tickets for Sammy Davis Jr.

I have so many blisters on my feet it's not funny. If I had a dollar for every blister I have I'd have, umm, lost it all in a casino anyways, so no big deal. Sorry if there are any typos. My grade 8 English teacher is shaking her head in Hell right now because I'm too tired and drunk to proof read my work. And I tend to ramble and also use too many commas, and, have, run, on, sentences. Nobody's perfect. But in Vegas, with a drink in your hand, it just doesn't matter. Night night.