Oscars 2013 - And The Winners Are...

It’s been a great year for movies and my crack team of investigators (the girls that work the Penticton Dairy Queen drive-thru) and I have uncovered all the bribes and blow jobs that could possibly influence this year’s Academy Awards. (But enough about Meryl Streep.) I’ve seen a lot of movies this year and my doctor will be glad to know that I avoided popcorn the entire year. (I smuggled in bottled water and sometimes M & M Peanuts but don’t tell anyone.) Most years I will add one movie to my list of favorite movies of all time. This year I added three. Life Of Pi, Silver Linings Playbook and Django Unchained are three movies that I could watch over and over and not get bored. I also stayed awake for all three and that doesn’t happen often. With the help of my Dairy Queen girls …err team of investigators I was able to make my list of winners. For some I made educated guesses, for some I went by a gut feeling and, who am I kidding, on occasion I just went eeny meeny miney moe. That’s probably what a lot of the Academy does anyways. Here are my picks of every award and I will write a blog the day after the show to say I told ya so. Best Picture: The favorite leading up to the big night seems to be Argo. My girls and I were just discussing this over Peanut Buster Parfaits. Anyways, since the largest portion of the Academy comes from the acting branch and Silver Linings Playbook is the first movie since 1982 (I believe) to be nominated in all 4 acting categories, I’m picking SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK FTW! (Mom, that’s what the kids put when they mean for the win, just trying to sound cool.) Best Actress: This year features the youngest ever nominee (Q-alphabet Wallis for Beasts Of The Southern Wild) and the oldest ever nominee (Emmanuelle Riva who is like 80 something and shows her boobs and gets a diaper change. Translation: NOT a popcorn movie!) For me the clear winner here is JENNIFER LAWRENCE who was amazing in Silver Linings Playbook. Best Actor: While I think that Joaquin Phoenix gave one of the greatest performances this decade in The Master, the clear favorite here, and my pick to win is DANIEL DAY-LEWIS for his stunning portrayal of Abraham Lincoln. It will blow your mind. What? Too soon? (My Mother went to high school with Abraham and she says Day-Lewis nailed it!) I should also mention that John Hawkes also deserved a nomination for his amazing performance in The Sessions. Best Supporting Actress: I feel pretty confident that ANNE HATHAWAY is going to win this one for her brief but gut-wrenching performance in Les Miserables. In fact I’d bet a Cookie Dough and Smartie Blizzard on it. I finally got the opportunity to watch The Sessions the other night with Helen Hunt and now I feel like I am her Gynecologist AND her Proctologist. WOW! Let me just say that this one is also NOT a popcorn movie! (Though it is really good and it is possible that she could pull an upset here, but PLEASE Helen, wear a dress to the Oscars!) Best Supporting Actor: If I was to go with my Heart here I would definitely go with Christoph Waltz for his hilariously brilliant performance in Django Unchained, but I think this is a two horse race between Tommy Lee Jones and Robert Deniro. I think that ROBERT DENIRO will win for a great performance in Silver Linings Playbook. Best Director: This one I am going to be stubborn and go with my Heart. Life Of Pi was based on a bestselling novel that most people thought could not be made into a movie. Ang Lee had worked on it for years and many times also thought it was not going to work. There is a common expression among directors to never work with children, animals or water. ANG LEE did all three in Life Of Pi and did it brilliantly. If that isn’t deserving of Best Director, I don’t know what is. Best Animated Movie: Having seen only three of these (okay two and a half, I fell asleep during Pirates: Band Of Misfits) I’m going to have to go on my (ample) gut instinct. Wreck-It Ralph seems to have some momentum right now (which would indicate the aforementioned bribes and blow jobs) but I’m going to pick BRAVE. Best Cinematography: I have not seen Anna Korenina (is that about the Russian tennis player who posed for Playboy?) but I think this should be between Skyfall, the best Bond movie ever, and Life Of Pi. There were moments in Life Of Pi that were so stunning that I almost dropped my popcorn, err bottled water. It’s one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen so I am going with LIFE OF PI. Best Costume: Since it took almost the full hour to thread the needle in sewing class in grade seven and I got a D on my apron (still bitter), I will have to play eeny meeny miney moe on this one. ANNA KARENINA! Best Documentary Feature: I’ve only seen one and it was an incredibly moving story about a brilliant 70’s musician named Rodriguez. I highly recommend it for anyone that loves music and I pick SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN to win. Best Documentary Short: Often the one with the best title seems to win (Do you REALLY think the Academy actually watches these?) so I am picking REDEMPTION. Best Film Editing: I’d say Argo has a good shot here. (I’d also say that I know absolutely NOTHING about film editing.) But my gut tells me that ZERO DARK THIRTY is going to win for the incredible final half hour that details the killing of Osama Bin Laden. Best Foreign Language Film: This is the biggest sure thing of the night. If you are in Vegas and you have a pile of hundred dollar bills in your pocket, this would be your bet. AMOUR. (It could also win for Saggiest boobs, Best Diaper Change and Longest Scene Where Absolutely Nothing Happens And They May Have Forgotten To Turn The DAMNED Camera Off! Sorry. Forgot to say SPOILERS!) Best Makeup and Hair: Since I don’t use makeup and have no hair I will leave this one to my Dairy Queen girls. They pick LES MISERABLES! (Incidentally, if you aren’t pronouncing it ‘Lay Mizeraub’ then people will look at you like you are stupid.) Best Original Score: I’m going to pick LIFE OF PI because of the originality of the music and for the fact that it was such an integral part of the movie. Best Original Song: Adele’s Skyfall still hasn’t really grown on me. I don’t dislike it, but I’d say that if it was on her brilliant sophomore album 21 it would probably be the weakest track. That said, SKYFALL is going to win and hopefully Adele will liven up the show by dropping a couple of F bombs. (Mom, that’s what the cool kids say instead of FUCK!) Best Production Design: I know next to nothing about production or design, and even less about production design, so It’s time once again to guess. LINCOLN! Best Animated Short: I’ve seen as many of these as the Academy has (ZERO) so I’m going to have to make another guess. I’ll go with MAGGIE SIMPSON IN THE LONGEST DAYCARE. Best Live-Action Short Film: Once again I’ll just pick a movie with a good title. DEATH OF A SHADOW. Best Sound Editing: History has shown that I am weak in the sound categories (may have something to do with the fact that I don’t really know the difference between the two) but I’m going to go with ZERO DARK THIRTY here… Best Sound Mixing: …and Skyfall here. So there. Best Visual Effects: While The Avengers was one of my favorite superhero movies, I have to go with LIFE OF PI. Best Adapted Screenplay: One of the toughest categories to pick. You could make a strong case for Life Of Pi but I’m going to go with SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK just because I can and if you don’t like it go and make your own damn list! Best Original Screenplay: I feel pretty confident that this will go to ZERO DARK THIRTY. There you have it. The winners for the 2013 Oscars. Okay, MY PICKS for the winners but when am I ever wrong? Well there was that time in grade 10 when I wore white after Labor Day. But not since then. I expect a great show. I’m just glad that my local Dairy Queen has a big screen tv.