Oscar LaVista Baby: My Academy Award Predictions

It seems like only yesterday that I was making predictions for last years Oscars. I generally do pretty well picking the winners. I hate to brag, but I think I was only wrong once last year and it was for Best Supporting Actress in an Animated Short Foreign Documentary which is always a crapshoot. I have done extensive research. I have seen every single Best Picture Nominee. (Okay, I've only seen five, but I watched the trailers for the others.) Today's blog will include some gossip (James Cameron is planning to scream 'I'm the King of Pandora!!!'), some social commentary (is the construction of the Academy Award bad for Global Warming?), some predictions (I'll go out on a limb and say that somebody will thank God for making all this possible), and of course, most importantly some recipes for your Oscar Party.

Let's start with some gossip. Apparently Sacha Baron Cohen and Ben Stiller were going to do a spoof of Avatar and Sacha was going to play a pregnant Avatar and claim that it was James Cameron's baby. Then it was going to turn all Jerry Springer. Sounds like a funny bit and I think that Sacha Baron Cohen is hilarious. He was great in both Borat and Bruno and I loved him in Sweeney Todd. I'm sure it would have been great. The problem is that the Producer of the Oscars is a friend of James Cameron's and thinks he would be so offended he may even walk out of the theatre. So it's been cancelled and Sacha Baron Cohen is staying at home in London. Now this makes James Cameron look like a tool, which he very well may be. But my first thought is, if he walked out wouldn't that be tv gold? Don't you want everyone talking about the Oscars, even if maybe it's a bad thing? I bet you'd get more viewers next year. I'd be trying to piss off everyone. Taunting them, cursing at them. Especially that bitch Meryl Streep.

I've seen some of the ads for the Oscars featuring the hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, and they were actually pretty funny. I personally don't think Steve Martin is very funny (and I'm still pissed that he's remade the Pink Panther movies, he is certainly no Peter Sellers) but maybe with help from Alec Bladwin he will be. I predict some plastic surgery jokes, maybe a bitch slap or two and lots and lots of tap dancing. Now for my Oscar picks.

Feel free to go to Oscar.com to read all of the nominees, but I'm much too lazy to type all of that so I'm just going to talk about the potential winners. Beginning with Best Picture. For the first time there are going to be 10 nominees. I'm not sure the point of that except that it does help to promote more movies. But let's be honest. This is really only a four horse race. The two real favorites are The Hurt Locker and Avatar. Followed by Precious and Up In The Air. Most of the other six nominations are well deserved but personally I would give District 9 the boot and put in it's place Where The Wild Things Are. Though it's not for everyone, I loved it. My pick this year for Best Picture is The Hurt Locker. I feel pretty good about this one. I would probably even bet a toonie.

Best Actor is probably the easiest to pick this year. Jeff Bridges will win for Crazy Heart. This is a sure thing. It's a great story. The Dude will finally get his Oscar.

Best Actress is really tough this year and I'm just so thankful that I'm an expert. If I wasn't then this would be even tougher. I hate to bet against Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren but one thing that the Academy voters like is a big upset. Gabourey Sidibe from Precious is my surprise pick. I also predict that she will get a standing O from the crowd and that Meryl and her posse will storm out in a huff.

Best Supporting Actor is another tough one. Unfortunately I haven't seen that many movies this year because that would involve putting down the potato chips and getting out of my comfy easy chair. I feel like I did writing my Biology 12 Exam in High School. I'm just basically guessing. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. I'm picking Christoph Waltz for his brilliant performance in Inglourious Basterds, and yes I did see that one.

In the Best Supporting Actress category, it looks like Penelope Cruz continues to be overrated. She's not the first (Marilyn Monroe) and she definitely won't be the last. I saw Nine and found it very disappointing but at the time I said that Marion Cotillard should be nominated for Best Supporting Actress. They didn't nominate the right person. Anyways, thankfully Penelope won't win. And the envelope please...the winner is Mo'Nique for Precious.

The Best Director category is another tough one. You could make a case for any of the nominees. The favorites are James Cameron and his ex-wife (that has to be awkward) Kathryn Bigelow but I'm going to go against the grain and pick another upset. My pick is Lee Daniels who directed Precious. And I might even put a nickel on it.

For Best Adapted Screenplay I think it's a battle between Precious and Up In The Air and since (if my picks are correct) Jason Reitman will have been shut out to this point, I'm going to give it to Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up In The Air.

For Best Original Screenplay Mark Boal, who wrote The Hurt Locker script, would be the favorite, but this is an opportunity to give Quentin Tarantino an award. My ample gut tells me that that is exactly what is going to happen.

Best Animated Feature will be between The Fantastic Mr Fox and Up, but since Up is only the second animated feature ever to be nominated for Best Picture, it's a pretty safe bet to win this award. Besides, how can you bet against a movie that involves a house flying to South America? I can't.

Now I'm not going to get into every single category but one of the most enjoyable things about watching the Oscars is trying to predict the winners of the categories where I have absolutely no idea. Like for Animated Shorts and Documentaries. Surprisingly I am often right. My theory is that whenever there are kids involved or poverty in third world countries, that's what will win. Why? Because as clueless as I am about the nominees, the Academy is just as clueless. Most of them don't watch all the nominees. The title of the movie and the photo shown are also often factors. Let's look at Best Documentary for example. Keeping in mind that I haven't seen any of these (and where is Michael Moore's Capitalism: A Love Story by the way?) Looking at the photos and reading the titles I will bet you that Which Way Home will take home the Oscar. You just know I'm going to gloat in my next blog if and when that happens.

Using the same theories, for Documentary Short I'm going to pick The Last Truck: Closing Of A GM Plant. How can the Academy vote against a piece of Americana? I don't think they will. Whether the movie is good or not is almost irrelevent.

For Foreign Language Film, I'm picking The White Ribbon from Germany. Mainly because I have seen it nominated in a few others categories. That reason is good enough for a lot of Academy Members. Jeez, I'm starting to get cynical in my old age.

For Original Score I will pick James Horner for Avatar though I'm disappointed that Where The Wild Things Are didn't get a nomination. I loved the music in that movie.

The Original Song category is one of the easier picks. The Weary Kind from the movie Crazy Heart will take the trophy. Ryan Bingham, who was homeless not long ago, will accept the award with T. Bone Burnett.

As I said I'm not going to go through every nomination. I will keep track at home (from my infamous easy chair) and I will write another blog after the show to let you know how I did. Now it's time to get to the most important part of this blog, food and drink.

I like to have an Oscar Party at my house. I would recommend that you do that on Oscar Night though that is optional. I would suggest you have everyone show up before the show starts (5pm pst) so that you can all watch the old people with their new faces walk down the red carpet. It never ceases to amaze me how they can strut their stuff and talk about who they are wearing when a huge majority of viewers are struggling just to make their cable payment at the end of the month. I have to collect pop bottles and squeegee cars just to afford to buy tinfoil which I have to put on my head and touch my tv screen just to get good reception of the Oscars. Still, I'm not really offended and I can't help but be glued to the tv, albeit with aluminum foil in my hair.

To liven up your party, you can make it an Oscar Strip Party. Every time someone is wrong about a prediction, they have to remove a piece of clothing. I've been to many of these over the years and they are a lot of fun. Luckily I've never ended up in my Birthday suit by the end. Well it could be luck or it could be the fact that I'm always wearing 17 pairs of underwear and 8 scarves.

Food is another important part of any Oscar Party. What goes better with movies than Popcorn? Nothing, I say. But forget about that crappy microwave popcorn. The healthiest way to make popcorn is to buy the kernels in bulk, put a small amount of them in a paper bag and nuke them. They are done when your smoke alarm is ringing. As a topping, forget about that margarine. I don't like eating something that is created in a science lab. It's butter or nothing for me. But how much? I like to compare it to milk in cereal. If your cereal is floating then you've put in too much milk. Well that's like popcorn. Only put in enough butter so that the popcorn isn't floating. Oh, and you may want to eat it with a spoon.

Another popular appy at my Oscar Parties is my homemade Spring Rolls. I'll even reveal my secret recipe. Just drive to your local Walmart, head to the frozen food section and find the Wong Wing Spring Rolls. Then you take them home, put them in your oven for 25 minutes at 350 degrees and they are ready to be served with a nice sweet and sour sauce. Be careful to hide the box when you serve them while claiming they are made from your Great Grandmothers secret recipe.

Do you have friends that are health conscious? That's too bad. Health conscious people are boring and tend to smell. I say don't invite them. If you do invite them, make sure you have a bowl of baked Cheezies ready, probably in a dark corner.

As my Mother always taught me, no party is a real party without booze. (At least I think that's what she said she was always slurring her words.) So here is my Mother's favorite punch recipe. Hopefully you have a nice crystal punch bowl, but if you don't just use a big tupperware dish like my Mother always does. In it put 1 ounce of Orange Juice, 1 ounce of Strawberry juice, 1 26'er of Grey Goose Vodka and 3 bottles of Dom Perignon. You can add a few slices of Strawberries on the top for a garnish if you'd like. It's called Punch Drunk. Not only is this a mighty tasty beverage, but it will ensure that you will be hosed before the first award is given out. That's always a good thing. But be warned, keep this punch away from a fireplace. It is an extreme fire hazard. Your breath will be as well.

Well that should get you well on your way to hosting a great Oscar Party. It should prove to be a very exciting night as usual. And after all the tears, laughter and hair pulling, I will be there with my Post-Oscar Wrap. (Why does that make me think of food?)