Academy Awards 2013 - Live Tweets

5:30 – Seth McFarlane … 5:36 already edgy with the Chris Brown joke. The crowd is turning. LOVED we saw your boobs, but I’ll bet the old lady from Amour is feeling a little left out. Was that Channing Tatum? Didn’t recognize him with clothes on. LOVED the Flight sock puppet bit. Awesome. Okay, the opening segment was actually really good. Time for an award. 5:47 – Best supp actor: So happy Christoph Waltz wins for his great performance in Django Unchained. He carried the first half of that movie and was well deserving of the win even though Tommy Lee Jones and Robert Deniro were the favorites. 5:55 – Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy good bit. Best anim short film: Paperman Oops. I am 0 for 2. Not a good start. I need a drink! 5:59 – Best animated feature film: YAYYY! Brave wins. I’m 1 for 3! Time to get on a roll. 6:05 – The Avengers reunion was a bust. Best Cinematography: Life Of Pi!!! YAYYY! 2 for 4! If this movie didn’t win for Cinematography, I’m not sure it would win anything. 6:08 – Awkward moment between Samuel Jackson and Robert Downey Jr. Shit’s about to get real, Yo! Best Visual Effects: Life Of Pi!! WOOHOO!!!! 3 for 5! 6:12 – Pretty sure that Oscar winner just got eaten by a shark. Good thing they cut to Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban just in time. 6:17 – Best Costume Design: Anna Karnina. Guessed right on that one. 4 for 6! 6:19 – Best makeup and hair: Les Miserables!! Yayy! Okay, now I’m on a roll. 5 for 7. 6:21 – Halle Berry. Celebrating 50 years of Bond. ’50 years? Holy cow. That’s almost your whole life!’ – Shit Ryan says. Pretty cool montage, but all the songs they have to choose from to perform live and they choose Goldfinger?! The crowd stands but probably only to stretch their legs. A few more hours to go. 6:33 – Jamie Foxx and Kerri Washington Best Live Action Short: Curfew. Damn. And Death Of A Shadow was such a great title! How did it not win? 5 for 8. 6:35 – Best Doc Short: Inocente wins. Damn. 5 for 9. Waiter! More Tequila por favor!! 6:41 – Seth McFarlane gets booed for a Lincoln joke. It’s okay. It was a good joke. Worth it. 6:42 – Ben Affleck. Best Documentary Feature: Yes! Searching For Sugar Man!! Great movie, and the only one I’ve seen in this category. Too bad Rodriguez isn’t there to give a speech. 6 for 10. 6:50 – Best Foreign Language Film: Amour. The most obvious pick of the night. A VERY slow movie. Well done well acted but SLOW. 7 for 11. 6:52 – John Travolta. What? Seth McFarlane couldn’t come up with a massage therapist joke? Catherine Zeta Jones went sharp while lip synching. How does this happen? Jennifer Hudson is telling us she’s not going. She should really get together with Jamie Lee Curtis for Activia. Now for the Les Mis reunion. I hope it’s good. Okay, that was awesome! Very cool. 7:08 – Chris Pine and Zoe Salanda. I said that I loved her in Avatar, which really would only be funny if she WASN’T in Avatar. Oops. Here’s the big Ted moment. Not bad. 7:11 – Best Sound Mixing: Les Mis. Oops. I picked Skyfall. Seriously. What was I thinking? That’s the last time I sniff glue while making my predictions! 7 for 12. 7:14 – Best Sound Editing: It’s a tie. Zero Dark Thirty! (Yes!!! 8 for 13 BABY!!) and Skyfall. The two that accepted the award for Skyfall look like Bond villians. Or Dawg the Bounty Hunter and his wife. 7:20 – Christopher Plummer. Best Supporting Actress: Amy Adams just looked at the camera and tugged her ear. Pretty sure she was saying hi to Carol Burnett. Glad they showed a clip of Helen Hunt with clothes on. There weren’t many in The Sessions. And the winner is: Anne Hathaway. No surprise here. 9 for 14! Nice heartfelt speech from Anne. The shows been on for just about 2 hours and I’m guessing the most comfortable person in the crowd is Emmanuelle Riva from Amour. She’s probably pretty content sitting there with her diaper on. 7:29 – The President of the Academy is speaking. Time to go to the kitchen for snacks. 7:32 – Sandra Bullock. Best Film Editing: Argo. Whoops. I picked Zero Dark Thirty. You know what I think about that. (Argo fuck yourself!) 9 for 15. 7:34 – Adele singing Skyfall. Still waiting for this song to grow on me. And I LOVE Adele. Okay that makes me picture Adele having her period. (Too much?) Okay that was pretty cool. 7:45 – Best Production Design: Lincoln. YAYYY! 10 for 16. 7:50 – Salma Hayak. That dress makes her look like a Giraffe. Is she intentionally trying to sound like Gloria from Modern Family? 7:57 – The in memoriam. Not liking this song choice. Why not I’m Walking On Sunshine or Miley Ray Cyrus singing Party In the USA? I don’t recognize many names. This is making me feel young. For Tony Scott they should have played Bridge Over Troubled Water. What? Too soon? Cool. Barbra Streisand singing The Way We Were. Barbra still sounds great. One of the best moments of the night. 8:07 – The cast of Chicago along with an alien. Oops. That’s Rene Zellweiger with yet another new face. Well this is awkward. Best Original Score: Life Of Pi!! WOOHOO! Right again. I felt pretty strongly about this one. Well deserved. 11 for 17. 8:12 – Best Original Song: It’s not very fair that only two of them were sung live tonight. And the winner is: Adele with Skyfall. I’m starting to hate being right all the time. 12 for 18. Now I’m expecting a really funny speech from Adele. A nice, sincere and emotional moment from Adele but sadly, no F bombs. 8:22 – Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron. Pretty sure Dustin is in the suit. Best Adapted Screenplay: Argo. Damn. I picked Silver Linings Playbook which has yet to win anything. I’m a little concerned about picking it for Best Picture. 12 for 19. 8:26 – Best Original Screenplay: A little bit of a surprise but Quentin Tarantino wins for his amazing Django Unchained. This is a rare occasion when I am happy to be wrong for picking Zero Dark Thirty. 12 for 20. I got BOTH screenplays wrong. Shit! Any more wrong and I’m going to start dropping ‘F’ bombs! 8:33 – Michael Douglas and Big Bird, sorry Jane Fonda. Best Director: Ang Lee!!!!!! YAYYY! So glad that he won. Well deserved! Life Of Pi is a GREAT movie! 13 for 21. 8:40 – Jean Dujeldean (?) Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence. Well deserved and not surpising. Whoops. That’s what you get when you combine a bulky dress with gravity. She should really be wearing a helmet. Right again! 14 for 22. 8:45 – Meryl Streep Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis. No surprise here. I would have been happy with Joaquin Phoenix but Day-Lewis was also brilliant. Yep. Right again. 15 for 23. Awesome Margaret Thatcher joke. Not bad. He should do a comedy. ‘There Will Be Blood On My Left Foot After I’m Assassinated.’ And now it’s time for Jack. 8:52 – Jack Nicholson. Michelle Obama with one of the big surprises of the night. She looks great as always. Here we go. Argo wins. Not quite sure how a movie that directs itself wins best pic but there you go. Actually moments before Michelle Obama’s announcement I had a feeling it was going to win. Nevertheless I did pick Silver Linings Playbook so I would be wrong. I ended the night going 15 for 24 which is not too bad. You can’t really blame the Academy for only getting 9 of them wrong. (See what I did there?) Ben Affleck could become an Auctioneer if acting and directing doesn’t work out for him. SOLD! Argo was a great movie and this is a well deserved win. All in all a pretty good night. Seth McFarlane was somewhere between Billy Crystal and James Franco. Probably a little closer to Billy Crystal actually. 9:01 – Kristin Chenoweth and Seth McFarlane sing Here’s To The Losers. Nice touch, but good Lord. Will this ever end?! 9:05 – It ended! (Whew!)

Oscars 2013 - And The Winners Are...

It’s been a great year for movies and my crack team of investigators (the girls that work the Penticton Dairy Queen drive-thru) and I have uncovered all the bribes and blow jobs that could possibly influence this year’s Academy Awards. (But enough about Meryl Streep.) I’ve seen a lot of movies this year and my doctor will be glad to know that I avoided popcorn the entire year. (I smuggled in bottled water and sometimes M & M Peanuts but don’t tell anyone.) Most years I will add one movie to my list of favorite movies of all time. This year I added three. Life Of Pi, Silver Linings Playbook and Django Unchained are three movies that I could watch over and over and not get bored. I also stayed awake for all three and that doesn’t happen often. With the help of my Dairy Queen girls …err team of investigators I was able to make my list of winners. For some I made educated guesses, for some I went by a gut feeling and, who am I kidding, on occasion I just went eeny meeny miney moe. That’s probably what a lot of the Academy does anyways. Here are my picks of every award and I will write a blog the day after the show to say I told ya so. Best Picture: The favorite leading up to the big night seems to be Argo. My girls and I were just discussing this over Peanut Buster Parfaits. Anyways, since the largest portion of the Academy comes from the acting branch and Silver Linings Playbook is the first movie since 1982 (I believe) to be nominated in all 4 acting categories, I’m picking SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK FTW! (Mom, that’s what the kids put when they mean for the win, just trying to sound cool.) Best Actress: This year features the youngest ever nominee (Q-alphabet Wallis for Beasts Of The Southern Wild) and the oldest ever nominee (Emmanuelle Riva who is like 80 something and shows her boobs and gets a diaper change. Translation: NOT a popcorn movie!) For me the clear winner here is JENNIFER LAWRENCE who was amazing in Silver Linings Playbook. Best Actor: While I think that Joaquin Phoenix gave one of the greatest performances this decade in The Master, the clear favorite here, and my pick to win is DANIEL DAY-LEWIS for his stunning portrayal of Abraham Lincoln. It will blow your mind. What? Too soon? (My Mother went to high school with Abraham and she says Day-Lewis nailed it!) I should also mention that John Hawkes also deserved a nomination for his amazing performance in The Sessions. Best Supporting Actress: I feel pretty confident that ANNE HATHAWAY is going to win this one for her brief but gut-wrenching performance in Les Miserables. In fact I’d bet a Cookie Dough and Smartie Blizzard on it. I finally got the opportunity to watch The Sessions the other night with Helen Hunt and now I feel like I am her Gynecologist AND her Proctologist. WOW! Let me just say that this one is also NOT a popcorn movie! (Though it is really good and it is possible that she could pull an upset here, but PLEASE Helen, wear a dress to the Oscars!) Best Supporting Actor: If I was to go with my Heart here I would definitely go with Christoph Waltz for his hilariously brilliant performance in Django Unchained, but I think this is a two horse race between Tommy Lee Jones and Robert Deniro. I think that ROBERT DENIRO will win for a great performance in Silver Linings Playbook. Best Director: This one I am going to be stubborn and go with my Heart. Life Of Pi was based on a bestselling novel that most people thought could not be made into a movie. Ang Lee had worked on it for years and many times also thought it was not going to work. There is a common expression among directors to never work with children, animals or water. ANG LEE did all three in Life Of Pi and did it brilliantly. If that isn’t deserving of Best Director, I don’t know what is. Best Animated Movie: Having seen only three of these (okay two and a half, I fell asleep during Pirates: Band Of Misfits) I’m going to have to go on my (ample) gut instinct. Wreck-It Ralph seems to have some momentum right now (which would indicate the aforementioned bribes and blow jobs) but I’m going to pick BRAVE. Best Cinematography: I have not seen Anna Korenina (is that about the Russian tennis player who posed for Playboy?) but I think this should be between Skyfall, the best Bond movie ever, and Life Of Pi. There were moments in Life Of Pi that were so stunning that I almost dropped my popcorn, err bottled water. It’s one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen so I am going with LIFE OF PI. Best Costume: Since it took almost the full hour to thread the needle in sewing class in grade seven and I got a D on my apron (still bitter), I will have to play eeny meeny miney moe on this one. ANNA KARENINA! Best Documentary Feature: I’ve only seen one and it was an incredibly moving story about a brilliant 70’s musician named Rodriguez. I highly recommend it for anyone that loves music and I pick SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN to win. Best Documentary Short: Often the one with the best title seems to win (Do you REALLY think the Academy actually watches these?) so I am picking REDEMPTION. Best Film Editing: I’d say Argo has a good shot here. (I’d also say that I know absolutely NOTHING about film editing.) But my gut tells me that ZERO DARK THIRTY is going to win for the incredible final half hour that details the killing of Osama Bin Laden. Best Foreign Language Film: This is the biggest sure thing of the night. If you are in Vegas and you have a pile of hundred dollar bills in your pocket, this would be your bet. AMOUR. (It could also win for Saggiest boobs, Best Diaper Change and Longest Scene Where Absolutely Nothing Happens And They May Have Forgotten To Turn The DAMNED Camera Off! Sorry. Forgot to say SPOILERS!) Best Makeup and Hair: Since I don’t use makeup and have no hair I will leave this one to my Dairy Queen girls. They pick LES MISERABLES! (Incidentally, if you aren’t pronouncing it ‘Lay Mizeraub’ then people will look at you like you are stupid.) Best Original Score: I’m going to pick LIFE OF PI because of the originality of the music and for the fact that it was such an integral part of the movie. Best Original Song: Adele’s Skyfall still hasn’t really grown on me. I don’t dislike it, but I’d say that if it was on her brilliant sophomore album 21 it would probably be the weakest track. That said, SKYFALL is going to win and hopefully Adele will liven up the show by dropping a couple of F bombs. (Mom, that’s what the cool kids say instead of FUCK!) Best Production Design: I know next to nothing about production or design, and even less about production design, so It’s time once again to guess. LINCOLN! Best Animated Short: I’ve seen as many of these as the Academy has (ZERO) so I’m going to have to make another guess. I’ll go with MAGGIE SIMPSON IN THE LONGEST DAYCARE. Best Live-Action Short Film: Once again I’ll just pick a movie with a good title. DEATH OF A SHADOW. Best Sound Editing: History has shown that I am weak in the sound categories (may have something to do with the fact that I don’t really know the difference between the two) but I’m going to go with ZERO DARK THIRTY here… Best Sound Mixing: …and Skyfall here. So there. Best Visual Effects: While The Avengers was one of my favorite superhero movies, I have to go with LIFE OF PI. Best Adapted Screenplay: One of the toughest categories to pick. You could make a strong case for Life Of Pi but I’m going to go with SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK just because I can and if you don’t like it go and make your own damn list! Best Original Screenplay: I feel pretty confident that this will go to ZERO DARK THIRTY. There you have it. The winners for the 2013 Oscars. Okay, MY PICKS for the winners but when am I ever wrong? Well there was that time in grade 10 when I wore white after Labor Day. But not since then. I expect a great show. I’m just glad that my local Dairy Queen has a big screen tv.

Just Wait Until Next Year

I had a brainstorm the other day about selling t-shirts with the Canucks' logo and the phrase 'Just wait until next year' underneath it. I think I could make a fortune. I've been saying 'Just wait until next year' every Spring since I was old enough to talk. In fact those may have been my very first words. Either that or 'That Mike Bossy is a Motherfucker!' Can't really remember. Another season has come and gone for my beloved Vancouver Canucks. While this one was less painful and much less exhausting, it would be fair to call it a bigger disappointment. Last season died by the hands of the Boston Bruins and I really felt like this season did too. Not only were Kesler (still not really 100% and probably never will be), Edler (one broken finger from the Stanley Cup Final still hasn't healed)and Raymond (broken back from an arguably dirty hit by Boychuk, I only say 'arguably' because I'm trying really hard to sound objective, that has definitely hindered his play) not themselves, but also that big game in Boston during the regular season seemed to suck the life out of us. Sure we won the game and proved that we could score on the power play, but we never really seemed to regroup. I don't know if there is a stat for winning ugly games, but if there is I think we may have broken the record. Something seemed wrong about the way they played most of the season and I just thought that it was me waiting impatiently for the playoffs. While that was part of it, there was clearly more to it than that. I think it's important to give credit where credit is due. The LA Kings played a great series. They stuck to their game plan 100%. They have a great goalie and great defense and the Canucks didn't seem to have the skill level to really test Jonathan Quick for the first 3 games. A big part of that was not having Daniel Sedin. You could say that a contending team should be able to overcome the loss of one player, but really it's almost like losing 2 players. And their top 2 players at that. Henrik is not the same without Daniel. The NHL is really hard to figure out sometimes (okay, most of the time). Duncan Keith received a 5 game suspension (in the regular season) for his brutal intent-to-injure elbow to the head of last years Art Ross Trophy winner while Raffi Torres receives a 25 game suspension in the playoffs for his charge on Marian Hossa. I personally didn't think the Torres hit was late, but he did leave his feet and deserved a charging penalty in my opinion. Not only was the Duncan Keith hit late, Daniel never ever had the puck. The only way to really get the players' attention is, if it is determined to be an intent to injure, to suspend the guilty player at least until the injured player comes back, if not longer. If a player who is about to elbow a guy in the head knows that if he does some serious damage, he could be out for half a season or maybe even a full season, then he probably brings that elbow back down and tries for a clean hit. Obviously if Duncan Keith had missed the first 3 games of the playoffs that wouldn't have had any effect on the Canucks-LA series, but if this rule had been in place, the incident likely never would've happened, in my opinion. One big positive was the play of Cory Schneider. Even though he was only able to win 1 of the 3 games he played, he showed that he could handle the pressure and only lost because his team just couldn't score goals. It should be pointed out that Luongo also played well in his 2 games. It's sad that he always gets the blame. How many goals did the Canucks score in game 7 against Boston? That's right. Zero. There is a reason why this city is a goalie graveyard. I just hope that Schneider isn't next. Just remember that no goalie is perfect. Schneider will let in some crappy goals now and then. (Most often there will be a couple bonehead plays from his teammates before those goals but nobody seems to notice those). It's important to not crucify him for it. Luongo is an elite goalie and has given us 6 stellar years. He's unquestionably the best goalie the Canucks have ever had and I really hope that he goes to an Eastern team because if he doesn't, he could really come back and bite us in the ass. I have never been a fan of Alain Vigneault. When Mike Gillis became the new GM I expected him to make a change and I wanted Joel Quenneville. Too bad it didn't happen. There's no denying that Vigneault knows how to win in the regular season, but the Playoffs are an entirely different animal. It's almost like comparing a Lamb to a Tiger, or a Bunny Rabbit to a Cobra, or a, well, you get the point. I think AV has been out-coached in the playoffs more often than not. In game 1 against LA his team was so badly prepared that it was embarrassing. The Kings looked like the Oilers of the '80's and the Canucks looked like the Canucks of the '70's. AV has been here for 6 years. That's a very long time for a coach. Players get sick of hearing the same bullshit. It's time for a new voice and a new philosophy. Gillis wants the team to be attacking but AV is a defensive coach. It just doesn't make sense. I was convinced that a change would be made but now I am hearing otherwise. I know that a coach can't put the skates on and score goals; it's up to the players. A coaching change will not solve all of our problems, but it would at least get us heading in the right direction. It's unfortunate that most of the offensive-minded teams have lost in the first round. Is anybody interested in watching the LA Kings play against St Louis, other than their fans? I'm certainly not. It's hard to believe that Vancouver, Detroit, San Jose, Chicago, Pittsburgh and the Bruins all lost in the first round. I only hope that the GM's in the league don't decide to make their teams more defensive minded. We should all be cheering for the Flyers to win the Cup because at least they play an exciting, offensive style. Without good goaltending however, I don't see them winning it all. And now my long off-season begins. I can't really complain too much. Instead of sitting in front of my tv, holding my breath and drinking God knows what just because I think it may bring good luck, I will be spending more time on the golf course, the tennis court and the beach. I've put away my Canucks towel and brought out my lime green G-string. And maybe that's a good thing. No, you're right. It's not. But just wait until next year.

Time To Get My Drink On (Barf Bag Standing By)

In the wake of the Pittsbugh Penguins being bounced from the Playoffs, are the Vancouver Canucks next? We will soon find out. It's probably a good thing that they had 3 days off, especially for Daniel. He's obviously still not in game shape and got some extra practice time in. I doubt that the Canucks will lose 3 straight at home but if they do then they certainly don't deserve to advance to round 2 in the first place.

I really hope the Canucks plan is to set the tone in that first shift, but you never know with Vigneault. It's time for us to make another statement and start to take over this series. You can't do that by sitting back and playing not to lose. Can the Canucks win the next 3 games? Absolutely. 2 of them are at home and with the Sedins back together and Schneider playing lights out in net, it can definitely happen. What worries me the most is Jonathan Quick. He is more than capable of stealing a game and he only needs to do it once in the next 3 games.

It looks like Raymond will play on the 4th line although if it was my choice he'd probably be in the press box. He's just not playing well enough and making too many mistakes. You have to wonder if it is a confidence thing or if the back injury has had too negative of an effect. It may sound bad but it really doesn't matter. As a coach you have to put the players on the ice that will give you the best chance to win. I probably wouldn't have Manny Malhotra out there either although he is great on faceoffs.

It's too bad they don't have a consolation draw in the NHL for all the first round losers. The Wings and Penguins would already be in it and you could possibly add the Bruins and Canucks later today. You may even be able to add the Hawks to that list tomorrow. The consolation rounds could quite possibly get better ratings than the games with the teams still in it.

I'm certainly doing my part to keep the Canucks alive in these Playoffs. Banana Vodka Paralyzers to start each period and Melon Liqueur shots for every goal. I'm not sure who the idiot was that came up with that combo (okay it was me) but it worked last game so we have to stick with it. We also switched from our usual Baked Cheezies (broke my heart) to Cracker Jacks. Gotta go with that again. Can't change a winning formula. I'm also once again going to wear my White Hot t-shirt from 1994 even though it is 3 sizes too small now. (Don't worry, I won't post a pic). I'd say this superstitious stuff is bordering on insanity, but we crossed that threshold in last year's Stanley Cup Finals. No point going back now. If we are losing in the 3rd period, I may even put tinfoil on my head.

I thought about driving down to the game tonight. I hear tickets on Craigslist are selling below ticket price, which is still outrageously high. (GREEDY, GREEDY, GREEDY!!) But it's about a 5 hour drive and with all that traffic and construction, not to mention Rogers Arena may not sell Cracker Jacks and DEFINITELY won't sell Banana Vodka Paralyzers, I decided to stay home.

Last game was the first game this series where I made a prediction on the score. I correctly said 3-1 Canucks. I guess I had better make another prediction. Let's go with 4-2 Canucks. That sounds pretty good to me. If the Canucks score any more than that I will probably be throwing up something that will be unspeakably awful, and THAT I will post a pic of.

Canucks Need To Find A Way

It's do or die time. The Canucks just need to take it one shift at a time. Their backs are to the wall. They need to leave it all on the ice. These are probably the things that Alain Vigneault is going to be telling his team before they go out on the ice. He always was a great motivator.

The Canucks find themselves in the shocking position of needing to win 4 straight against the 8th seeded LA Kings just to make the 2nd round. It looks like Daniel Sedin is finally going to play although he apparently hasn't practiced much so I don't know how effective he will be. The bigger story, however, is who is going play goal for Vancouver. Luongo has been the go-to guy for 6 years. It looks like that ends tonight as Cory Schneider gets the start. I say it's the bigger story but realistically it may not even matter. The Canucks are not down 3-0 in this series because of their goaltending. The Canuck forwards have simply been unable to get to the front of the net. Most shots are coming from 30 or 40 feet out (or more) and Jonathan Quick is able to see most of the shots. If he can see it he's going to stop it. The Kings were outshot by a pretty good margin in that last game (I'd look up the exact numbers but I'm too lazy) but as far as scoring chances go, the Kings had more. How many scoring chances from the slot did the Canucks have? One. That's just not going to get the job done. If that continues, Schneider is going to have to be perfect to give the Canucks a chance to win. You would have to think that we will score eventually, it just might not be until the 4th overtime. Schneider was almost perfect in game 3, he will need to be better tonight if the Canucks are going to bring this series back to Rogers Arena.

Maybe the Canucks will be inspired by the Penguins tonight. Also facing elimination, the Penguins have scored 9 goals so far tonight and the 2nd period isn't even over yet. This Flyers-Penguins series has been crazy.

For the first time this Spring I put my Canuck flags on my truck as I drove into town. That's gotta bring some good karma. As far as our Canuck drink, we're going with Banana Vodka Paralyzers, which is a regular Vodka Paralyzer with a splash of Banana Liqueur in it. We are also going to be doing Melon Liqueur shots after every Canucks goal. Hopefully we get to do at least a few shots. In an act of total desperation, I'm doing away with my official Canucks snack, Baked Cheezies, and instead I am going with the tried and true Cracker Jacks. With all of that, how can we not lose? Hang in there Canucks fans, this isn't over yet.

Oh, And One More Thing...

I forgot one important thing in my blog yesterday about rule changes that would actually make the NHL much more watchable and more fair. If you look at the way round one of the playoffs has gone so far, every single team with home ice advantage has lost it. (The New Jersey - Florida series is still in the middle of game 2 but Florida is up 2-0 and if they hold on they'll get a split heading home.) Doesn't seem like much of an advantage to finish in the top 4 does it? I don't think it's much of a secret around the league. As the road team heading into the series, your goal is to at least get a split. That happens more often than you would think.

If the NHL made it a little more of an advantage to have home ice advantage in a series then down the stretch teams would be battling harder to win the President's Trophy rather than just make the playoffs and then try to get, or stay, healthy.

So how do they do that? How about having the team with home ice advantage start on the road? So in the Canuck series, for example, they would play the first 2 at Staples Center in LA and then play 3 games in Vancouver, game 6 in LA and game 7 in Vancouver. That way if the so-called favored team shits the bed in the first 2 games (a la the Canucks) they aren't in quite as much trouble. If the favored team gets a split, as so often happens, then they have an opportunity to wrap it up at home by winning all 3 games. Genius isn't it? Well, I hate to brag.

You could even take this one step further. How about giving the favored team the choice of the format the way it is now or this new proposed (and ingenius, okay apparently I don't hate to brag) format?

Gary Bettman seems so concerned about getting that huge tv deal in the US. Instead of fighting to give an NHL team to every city in the Southern US and having half full buildings (only half full if they offer 4 tickets, 4 hot dogs, 4 cokes and free parking for $20) how about making changes to the game which would make the teams actually want to put the effort in to finish first overall. Jeez. Did I just make Gary Bettman sound like an idiot? Sorry about that.

A Change Will Do You Good: Improving the NHL

I'm getting sick and tired of seeing what once was a great sport being ruined by Gary Bettman. Here is a list of changes that need to be made. The sooner the better.

- Fire Gary Bettman (okay, that one is obvious)

- Get rid of the automatic penalty for flipping the puck over the glass in your own end. Leave it to the ref's discretion.

- Get rid of the rule that the top teams in each division are automatically the top 3 teams in the conference. It sucks that it's not possible for Pittsburgh, Philly, Detroit and Nashville (4 legitimate Cup contenders) to make the 2nd round.

- Either change to the no-touch icing rule or have a race to the goal line. Too many needless injuries.

- As I mentioned in my last blog, if you injure someone illegally and it is deemed an attempt to injure, you cannot come back before the injured player. That might make some of these star players who often seem to get a pass think twice about trying to take someone's head off with their elbow.

- I doubt this would happen as long as Gary Bettman is in charge but I would abolish the instigator rule. I think we'd see a lot less cheap shots and thus less injuries.

- As far as suspensions go, I would like to see an independent group determine the length of suspension. I'm not convinced that it is a fair system for all teams the way it is right now.

- I would also like to see them once again make glove hand passes in your own zone illegal. Let's make it more difficult on those d-men and force them to make a skilled play. I never did like that rule change.

- I do like the 4 on 4 OT, but how about 2 points for a win and 0 points for an OT loss? Get rid of the shootout. A tie means each team gets a point.

Finally, not really a rule change but a big change to the game, I would make the ice surface wider. Not like the European ice, but may 4 or 5 feet wider. I think this is an inevitability in this league. The players are bigger and faster than ever and injuries continue to skyrocket. Obviously Bettman and the owners don't want to take seats out of their buildings, but the game would be immensely better if there was more room out there. As I say, this will happen at some time. Hopefully very soon.

There you go. I think these changes would really make watching NHL hockey a lot more enjoyable. Maybe if they ever do fire Bettman I should submit my resume. As long as it doesn't involve me having to get out of my comfy easy chair!